This list of humourous quotes spoken on SB was compiled by Diana Edgley and posted to the newsgroup in 1993 .

"Kirk, I thought you had your heart transplanted, not your brain." (Gina)

"Curses. Foiled again." (Mason)

"Examine her. I'd like to vivisect her!" (Mason)

"Right on time and as irate as expected." (Mason to Julia)

"Well Councilor. I thought you were out in the woods somewhere. Killer bees scare you off, or was it the killer boyfriend?" (Mason)
"Drop Dead Mason!" (Julia)

"Excuse me, is this your office? It's funny, it seems like you have a branch at every bar in town." (Julia to Mason)

"I can foul things up with my children without your help!" (CC)

"Well, the Capwell Cookie Monster!" (Augusta to Gina)

"When hell freezes over and the Devil wears ice skates." (Mason)

"Why don't you just put a piece of typewriter in your paper there, Cruz."

"I'll be happy to lead you to the corpus which is probably somewhat less than delecti about now." (Mason)

"Mother, I didn't know you knew that word!" (Augusta)

"I was about ready to have my brain turned into a transistor, and you think you were scared!" (Pearl)

"No he's not an alien, I mean not from another country, maybe from another planet. No he's not mentally deficient, not noticeable anyway." (Gina)

"I don't appreciate you contradicting me in front of my son!" (CC)
"Then you should have fallen in love with a digital watch not a woman!"(Sophia)

"You had better lighten up or there's going to be another criminal case in this office, Wainwright versus Capwell, assult with intent to kill." (Julia to Mason)

"I can't believe you two are attorneys in the same law firm, what do you do for memos, loft grenades at each other?" (Keith)

"Holy cow! You mean Lionel really doesn't know? And I get to be the one to tell him? What an unexpected windfall!"

"Well look who's here, little Miss Hit and Run!"

"The great thing about this house's it has a dozen doors. Pick one and get out!"

"You know CC I do have feelings."
"Oh I know. I know all of them. Greed, greed and more greed."
"And passion. We had that once."
"I had the measles once too."(Gina and CC)

"Maybe we can improve on last night." (Gina)
"Improve on that?!" (Keith)

"Goodbye Mason. I wonder if I dropped him when he was a baby." (CC)

"You know it sounds like you and Mason had your brains washed at the same laundromat." (Gina)

"Well if it isn't the black sheep turned lily white." (Keith to Mason)

"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I am gonna give her a piece of my mind and if that doesn't work I'm gonna give her a piece of my fist!"

"If you want answers talk to Keith, he's the blabbermouth."
"Let's see, so far you've called him what... ah crazy, vicious, brutal, a pathalogical liar, rotten to the core, a weasel I believe?"
"Well it's all true."
"Yeah but I can't arrest him on any of that!"

"I won't have you going to prison, not until I'm pregnant, then you can go." (Julia to Mason)

"Was that an earthquake?"
"No that always happens when I enter a room."

"You know, you're one sad broad. Bitter, bored, boring."

"You think I'm a loser?"
"And a weasel, and the scum of the earth, but don't get me started."

"Aren't families fun. Caring about them is such hell." (Mason)

"How long did you expect me to wait in this damp night air for you?"
"What's the matter Keith, were you afraid you were gonna rust?"

"Okay fine, you two form your own club. You know, WTA, wishful thinkers annonymous."


"Oh what a happy little family we'd be, Poppa Bear, Baby Bear and Momma Barracuda." (Mason)

"Well congratulations, you've managed to hurt my feelings." (Gina)
"Try not to bleed on the rug." (Mason)

"Is there a special mayday code for being stranded with someone you can no longer stand the sight of?" (Julia to Mason)

"It's nice to know my cancelled credit cards are good for something!" (Gina after breaking into Brick's house)

"You have your own key. That's very business like!"

"No Hello Mason? Good afternoon Mason? Drop Dead Mason?" (Mason)
"Now that last one had a nice ring to it." (Julia)

"I'll hang you on that ego." (Julia)
"Many have tried." (Mason)

"Are you going to object before I finish my argument?" (Julia)
"There's too much hot air in this courtroom." (Mason)

"Quite frankly I am very disappointed in you Mason. I didn't know that the prospective father of my child was a quitter. A snob, a lush and a cad perhaps... but not a quitter." (Julia)

"I'll marry you, I'll bear your children, I'll clean your house, GIVE ME THE KEYS!" (Keith to Gina)

"I'm unselfish enough to understand because I realise that sooner of later you're going to come back to me." (Gina)
"Try later Gina, much later, and only then if you magnetize the spokes of my wheelchair." (Mason)

"It was like dating a nuclear meltdown." (Keith about Gina)

"What happened to your foot, did you finally get it caught in your mouth?" (Julia to Mason)